Written whilst in Tehran looking ahead to cycling through Iran in 2008.
I’m travelling in my head. When I stop my mindset changes. I feel lethargic today. I think maybe I could do with being alone some more. It’s pleasant for some time, even satisfying. If I can get a grip of my fear I can enjoy it.
The city is a place where I cannot be still but it is the opposite in the wider less populated places. There is sometimes a glimpse of what freedom might feel life without having it disturbed by others, one’s own urges, social conditioning, intellectualising or whatever.
Mountains and scenery are going through my mind like a stack of photos. Kistan and India are technically scary, but this is mostly because of what I hear and read. From my own experience, I can’t see a reason to fear them.
I think that human beings have the ability to act irrationally, unpredictably and in a possibly violent way. This can be seemingly for no fault of the recipient but because of something that afflicts them. Most people act predictably and conform to societal norms.
My Host Karim in Tehran
Sept 25th Thursday
My host Karim and I talk about many varied topics. For example, regarding his PC set up he showed me how to “cycle the ‘one touch’ functionality on his new 1 terabyte hard disc”. With 10 terabytes you can do anything apparently. I enjoyed talking to Karim because our conversations flows like we’ve been friends for ages.
Society can be cruel so we try to escape with travel hoping to find something to make it easier. You can rise up and float above things for a while but then something can bring you back down again.
I have lived for 1.5 years with minimal possessions. Hopefully those memories of my past lifestyle are fading by choosing the unknown. You don’t escape the way things are but a sustained change is as good.
I’ve always said to myself that love is very important. It has to be because if you have a family then your responsibility is to them.
One must follow one’s heart as Tom said to me the other day whilst on the Tehran metro to the British Embassy to get the letter for the Indian visa.
The world is bamboozling at times. I just watched the debate between Mecain and Obama, talking about sending troops in Iran, Afghanistan and billions of spending one war in Iran.
This geopolitical wrangling feels totally absurd. It seems far too complex for the average Joe to understand. Oil? Terror? Democracy? It’s not logical for people from one type of system in modern America to travel 5000 miles to a desert to fire bullets at other humans under a total different system and culture.
Personally being here makes me want to be very humble quiet, passive and careful because there are people who look different and think differently to the point that one feels like a young child learning new things about the world in the presence of others.
Sometimes I get distracted. I am my biggest competitor. I’m driving myself to do this. I had a dream of a severed finger. I attached it back and it stayed and my forefinger started working again. I looked it up on the internet. When the forefinger is broken it means that you are worried about the ability to complete a big task.
I saw Tom today and he came round for tea. We still aren’t seeing eye to eye. We talked about filming and the trip. I wanted to get away from that. I’m not on a bike ride with a camera or whatever.
Tom told me that him and Tenny were likely going to cycle back through Europe to England.
Bored of Tehran, nothing to do. Difficult to get around, huge city, suburbia. Crazy traffic, motorcycles, not good drivers. Chadors restrict vision. Islamic thought council. The odd mosque. Offices, shops, jewellers, banks, flowers, corner shop, hotel, carpet, stationary. Doubts in my mind about continuing. Wednesday end of Ramadan. I’ve got to think slow and control my brain.
Lethargic, thinking, talking, tired, eating, watching films. Website non-payment problem. Goodness of humans. American economic downturn. Elections 08. Tehran ways new language new architecture. Options, my girlfriend, future, family, work, Muslim cultural restrictions. Girlfriend coming to visit. Travelling. Other options in life. Compromise. Big house. Winter. The ludicrous theatre of life we have created for ourselves. Like the ways we should act, the wards to fight, the life to lead.